And when you live close to your extended family, you may find that certain relatives abuse those boundaries by demanding too much of your time, money, or attention! We would move to Great Britain in a heartbeat but we couldn't afford to live there and dh couldn't easily telecommute from there (technically, dh can work from anywhere, tho obviously being in the town of his office is a bit easier in regards to meetings and such). If you even consider not going with your fiance, my feeling is you are not completely sure you want to spend your life ''together'' otherwise there would be no question. I actually wonder if we'd be able to do it more if my family would be able to watch LO (and future siblings) for a long weekend, or if we didn't have to burn vacation time just to visit my family. Also, every city has at least one suburb that's a decent alternative to actually living in the city. What is more important? Living near familiy or a better living environment? - General Education Discussion Board. It surprised me to read that the typical American lives within 18 miles of their mom ( NY times). So i also associate moving there with being put out to pasture and going there to die.
Is It Always Better to Be Close to Family? While retiring near family isn't the only factor elderly folks consider when choosing a senior living community, it can sometimes be the most influential and emotionally fueled influencer. If you move you will lose this and I think you will still be a ''single mom'' even if you are livng in the same home as your fiance. Personally, I'd rather live near friends than family, but we're all different. I can relate to your dilemma about whether to stay in the Bay Area or move to the L. area to be closer to your family. Many of my friends and relatives have come to visit my various homes. Sooooooooooooo not me;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... The friendlier part of Reddit. I keep thinking if we were married, I would definitely move, but because we are not, I wonder if moving is worth it for me to totally uproot myself (and our son) into a world of uncertainty. Thanksgiving is a lively rendezvous. Living in a place you love vs living near family and time. OP's parents aren't going to give up time with their grandchildren (OP's nieces and nephews) to go be near them, so you can't expect the parents to just up and follow to prove "they really like. " That's not to mention the cost of moving your furniture. Our kids get hand me down clothes from each other.
Our social networks. I can't tell you how much it means to me to see the cousins laugh and play together. We're able to get more of a break than we would otherwise. Living in a place you love vs living near family and family. I live very close to my parents, in-laws, cousins, aunts, etc. I feel equally selfish and guilty for not moving since it means separating my son from his dad (they have a great relationship). Specifically, we had to decide if we were going to remain in Atlanta, Georgia, where we had moved to spend 15 months to be close to our two grandchildren, or return to the Washington, DC area, where we had lived for the previous four-and-a-half years after we retired from our regular careers in the state of New Jersey.
This may lead you to resent your fiancee and become very dependent on him for social stimulus. My father was in the military, and we lived in a variety of places while I was growing up, and we remain in contact with many of the people to whom we were close, all over the country. Living in a place you love vs living near family history. I also feel like parenting is really hard without family around to help. Without willing relatives nearby, you'll have to outsource these "favors" to more expensive third parties like sitters, mechanics, and other strangers! We are bound to have this discussion a hundred more time and decisions feel like that are always out of grasp.
The LA area is as culturally diverse as the Bay Area. There are many choices in life that may influence a move away from your family members – heading off to college in a new state, following a business or job opportunity, or chasing a change of pace with good weather or mild climate. So I do get some me time. One thing you might think of doing is go and help him find a place to live, but don't plan on moving for at least six months until you see that he is stable in his new job. If your relationship can't stand being apart for a year, that doesn't bode well for your relationship either. Living Where You Love vs. Living Near the Grandkids in Retirement. Con: Being subject to surprise visits. AND we were both on an even keel - ie. Because levels of this "love hormone" increase when you hug someone or interact with someone you care deeply about, this hormone is associated with empathy, trust and relationships. You have already made a lifetime commitment to each a son together. We have two kids who'll be 6 and 3 when he graduates.
We also offer church transportation each Sunday to places of worship nearby so residents can benefit from the support of others who share their belief systems. Also, if you have any questions, please feel free to comment below too. Great for single parents: Single parents can always use as much help as possible. Detailed information about all U. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site:. Pro: Having a helping hand nearby. Some families live across water, for example crossing over the Atlantic Ocean between the UK and America, and means flying is the only way to see them. Hello, I am hoping that you all can help me in making a really tough decision... First, some background... My fiance and I have been together for over 10 years and have a 1 1/2-year old son together. My parents live in LA. Remember, if you are miserable then so will your child be since he will be potentially spending more time with you. And loved the outdoorsy culture here. Pros and Cons of Living Close to Family | CORT. We gave our kids (and ourselves) the best options for growth, safety and financial stability. My parents had my sister first and then two years and one month later came by brother and two years and one month later came me…the surprise. I for one remember spending gobs of time with my own grandparents and miss them everyday.
Also, he is bound to pick up on strains in the relationship between you and your fiancee. So far i have not moved back. When you're living close to family, there might be an expectation that you're always available, meaning unplanned visits are subject to occur. My husband and I moved from LA 4 years ago leaving behind family, though joining many friends in the Bay Area. Why would I post 20 pictures and videos of the kids and our little family for them to see if we live 20 minutes away? But when you're retired, your time is your own. For good, solid, quality visits. As for Owen, who is 17 months younger than his sister, it was a perfect time for Grandpop to be around to see his evolving interest in sports blossom.
It was a lovely realization of how moving gave us new opportunities to see each other planned and unplanned. I would recommend you make the commitment to your fiance AND your son and go---yes, it will be life is! For now, it all seems "fine" to be far away – but what happens when our parents can't take long plane rides to see us anymore? I don't know what your problems were in the past but it sounds like there might be more weight on his needs in the relationship than yours. Rat race, as they say. It is also very important for children to spend time with grandparents too. I grew up in the LA area, and lived there for most of my life until about 5 years ago, when I moved to Berkeley. If you are the kind of person who is a go-getter and is very sociable then you might find that a new job, etc will kick you out of the rut you are in. The Kids are Missing Out. 10, 007 posts, read 5, 127, 151. Part of that time he was in Michigan (in school) and I was in New York; part of that time he was in Tokyo and I was in New York. Unfortunately you will have to make the decision for both yourself and your son.
We all met every Sunday evening for dinner at my grandparents' house. And i had never NEVER gotten to pick where to live. Originally Posted by Mimidae. Free babysitters for children: Having babysitters you can trust and who know your children is a real bonus. I can visit and we can do cool stuff there like we used to do.
I moved up here in 1983 and until recently, never entertained the idea of moving back down. They are the first ones we turn to when help is needed. Plus, I see how much joy LO brings my parents, and I feel bad about keeping them from their granddaughter. My family didn't want to care for me when I was a kid... When we reunite with our extended family, there is no warming up period. My sisters and I stay in contact weekly by email. It's important you lay down boundaries at the outset to avoid being taken for granted if you move to live near your family. Sure, we could live in a funkier, more walkable neighborhood than the one I grew up in, but it would still be LA. We host religious services and programming for several denominations on-site. We do not currently live together and our relationship has been rocky, to put it lightly (we've been in counseling for over year). However, you are not living with your partner now so his absence might not feel quite as acute. Part of making a marriage and/or a family work is making compromises and sacrifices! Honestly, I don't think I'll be very happy moving to a new place with no job, no family, and no friends, and most likely not very much help from my fiance with our child (being with a doctor is rough; the on-call thing really sucks!
If your ex-husband is a good father to your son, and you and him can work things out amicably, MOVE. That way you would keep your job and lessen the amount of separation between you and fiance and son. Nope, i moved where I wanted to go, if my family wants to move there with me, all good with me. However, we won't get to that until Audrey finishes the novel she is currently reading, my oldest all-time favorite A Wrinkle in Time, which I am now rereading for a seventh time so Audrey and I can discuss all the questions that the marvelous Newbery Award winner raises.